A month has passed since my last post, and this month included the Headstart campaign. Every day, I filmed videos, posted updates, and spoke to groups of people whom I imagined would find it important to hear what I had to say. Someone dear to me suddenly said he realized I am a pusher. And he's right because ultimately, it depends only on me.
The Headstart campaign ended. It reached close to 100%, and on the last day, instead of continuing to publish and push, I decided to complete the remaining balance and give myself a pat on the back. It seems I did not cut corners with the sales material, but I need to learn how to do it because, again, it depends only on me.
But all this happens under a very heavy shadow, one that sits inside and reflects in everyone's eyes. Our captives, this government, our dear country. Everyone around me is leaving. Close and distant people, all getting an opportunity to live abroad.. They leave, and every day I hear about more. Those whom I sat beside in class when I was twelve, whom I traveled the country with, those whom my children grew up with and are part of my life. Leaving the country. And it breaks me from within because I wonder if the ship is sinking and all I can do is prepare my daughters and hope they can swim in a stormy ocean. I have a connection and attachment to my country, yet I wonder if the daily pain, constant pressure, fear of sirens and alarms, and wars with names are worth it. I no longer know. And it's hard to continue as usual with dreams and the book, and to place them in the center while beautiful faces of boys and girls, men and women look at me from posters, and every scroll on Facebook shows me a crying mother, a soldier killed, or a flag in colors that sends a chill through the air on campuses worldwide.
I have no answer. I wish I did.
There are days when I just want to write this, what I am writing now, and share my pain. And there are days when the sun rises and I manage to move forward with all my strength. To believe in the good, to believe that things will change. To believe that there is room for light. Today is a bit of a roller coaster.
There's a kind of force pushing me forward. I don't know where it comes from, but it's there. And I've learned that in moments like these, when it's heavy inside, you just need to take a small step forward. Sometimes it creates the movement that causes everything else to move. And in this period, there are many weights on the legs. Many excuses for why not, but I believe. No, I know these words need to go out into the world.
Enough with the excuses, I'm putting the blog out there and stopping writing to myself. My book will be published in June 2024, and beyond the special group of people who purchased it during the Kickstarter, I want to reach as many as possible. I want to reach you, anyone interested in reading my words.
So yes, today is more of a roller coaster, but I continue to swim in the deep waters, now with the blog and the website.
Best of luck :)